Rant about Margot: “My submissive model”.

I wanted to use this website just for my creative work and not talk about personal things, but there is something that keeps repeating again and again that annoys me a lot, and i think it is important to address. Specially because it happens when we are teaching shibari. This post is not referring to anyone in particular (but to a lot of people in general) and it wants to be constructive, so don’t get offended. These are my opinions and you may not like it, they (probably) may not be true and the text is probably written in a very bad english.

The Problem

Since long time ago, i find myself in a situation that makes me extremely uncomfortable. We are in a workshop, maybe during the introduction, maybe at a group lunch, maybe even in private and something like this happens:

Someone: Thanks to to Zor for coming and teaching this workshop here.
Zor: ... And Margot.
Someone: And Margot, his model.

This is the soft version. It usually goes more like this:

Someone: Thanks to the great master rope bondage genius Zor for coming and teaching this workshop here.
Zor:... And Margot.
Someone: Ahm, yes, and his submisive/model Margot that is very beautiful.

This situation usually developed into Margot releasing fire and death among the presents. Not anymore. We just correct kindly the person and keep going.

Not only we write both names in the flyers and event descriptions. Now we write Margot’s name first, just in case someone doesn’t understand that she is an amazing educator, rigger, and model (and I am only an educator and a rigger). The thing about adding master to my name is something I hate and subject for another post.

Then during the workshop, specially during the first hours, some people react like she is not there. The same people that usually, when we ask everybody to introduce themselves, talk in behalf of their model. Don´t do that. We want everybody to introduce themselves.

Why some people do this?

Why is it so HARD for some people to understand that we both can teach and have active roles in the workshop? Specially in Spain. No matter how many times you tell it to some of the students, or even organizers, they delete it from their brain almost in real time. They can not process it. It is too much. They will rather understand the Navier-Stokes equation than this. When the organizers of a workshop announced it in social networks, most of the time only my name is written. When the introductions are done, she is sometimes omitted. When thanks are given, they are given to me.

Even if it is the case that we are teaching Kuzushi (that is something much more personal to me and a deveolpment over a lot of years), where i am clearly the rigger and Margot is clearly the model, I can not understand the omission of my partner from an event description. I am really tempted to do this: next time that someone forgets about my partner’s name in an eveent description, i will do the workshop with a chair. The chair will give you feedback, will tell you about body mechanics, will supervise your exercises, will answer your questions, etc.

There are serious implications about this situation, and i want to talk about some of them.

Students:

• If you believe my model is a passive element in a tying session, you will behave or treat your partner as a passive element in your tying session and that is WRONG. At every level. Do people really think that riggers are doing all the job and the model is interchangeable for a mannequin or a chair? That is what happens when you watch too many tutorial videos and not enough japanese porn.
• If you don’t understand that the person that is giving the workshop with me is able to tie much better than you, you are making assumptions. And assumptions are dangerous and limiting yourself. It even happened that someone during a workshop told me that they wanted to be corrected by me, not by Margot! :/
• If you assume that someone that is being tied has to be a submissive… well, i dont know even where to start.

Organizers:

• If you are giving preference to the rigger or directly ignoring the model in any introduction, presentation or descripcion, specially in a show or open session, you didnt understand who is the important person in a shibari session.
• If you assume that the value of a model is being “beautiful” you have a very shallow mind (and again, you are missing a lot).
• If you dont understand that the workshop is going to be taught by two educators, you probably didn’t read the description.

Educators:

• Please start teaching shibari as a thing that happens between two equals. No matter what is your approach, what power exchange you want or how much you like your roles.
• Realize that without your partner you are no one. You can teach shibari with no ropes. But you can not teach shiibari withour a partner!
• If you are teaching shibari and your partner/model is not talking, not teaching, not giving active feedback, and it can be replaced by some random person, you are probably teaching something that is far away from shibari. Even if it is very technical and it includes a lot of hishis.
• Shibari is about communication and play and erotica and shame and torment and a lot of things. Most people overestimate the tying and the patterns, and with this mistake, they also overestimate the figure of the rigger. Teach your students not to do that 🙂

Final note:

I recommend all this people to go to a Norio Sugiura sensei workshop as a rigger. Specially expecting to be the star. You are going to stop making assumptions the hard way 🙂 (they will also learn a lot).